loner boner

iwishihadafather:

when you’re typing “good morning” and you accidentally type “hood morning”

image

galaxys4:

hello students. welcome to my math class. we will be having a class trip this year, the first ever math field trip in history. it’s to hell. here we are

tomoatmeal:

You don’t have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off.  And while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the baby’s soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  It might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but let’s see where the dog is going with this.

tomoatmeal:

You don’t have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off.  And while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the baby’s soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  It might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but let’s see where the dog is going with this.

i wanted to write something obscene on my buttcheek because no one would see it but i know that if i did that i would either get pantsed or have a doctors appointment or something would happen and my butt would be showing and i wouldnt have time to explain why it said “Ratshit Batshit dirty old cunt” on my buttcheeks

fagmobs:

First gay marriage now this?

fagmobs:

First gay marriage now this?

h0odrich:

It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth

i haven't done one of these in a while
Hair: What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color?
Skin: Do you tan easily?
Eyes: What is your favorite show to watch?
Nose: What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance?
Mouth: Do you want to kiss anyone right now?
Tongue: What was in your last meal?
Windpipe: Do you sing?
Neck: Do you wear necklaces?
Ears: How many piercings do you have (if any)?
Cheeks: Do you blush easily?
Wrists: Have you ever broken a bone?
Hands: Are you an artist/writer?
Fingers: Do you play an instrument?
Heart: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know?
Lungs: Do you smoke cigarettes?
Chest: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong?
Stomach: Do you feel confident in your body image?
Back: Are you a virgin?
Hips: Do you like to dance?
Thighs: Has anyone ever called you fat or ugly?
Knees: Have you ever cheated on someone?
Ankles: Have you ever been arrested?
Feet: Do you ever wear heels just for the hell of it?
Toes: Do you like country music?
guccimanesbartchain:

iconic

vaspim1fag9392bitch383slut:

pygmyalpaca:

vaspim1fag9392bitch383slut:

WE AT THE HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN pitbull - hotel room service

How do you remember your URL?

got it tramp stamped tatted on ur mom so everytime i fuk her i refresh my memory

mormondad:

getting a boner before marriage is a sin